Need The Perfect Gift For A Hard-to-please Teen? Try A Black

By Mark Kennedy

Copyright ? 2005 by Mark Kennedy www.harmoniouswarrior.com

Oh, I know you can't give someone a black belt, any more thanyou can give them a high school diploma or a college degree. Butyou can give them a nudge in the right direction along with thefinancial resources to make the journey. And the martial artsjourney is a secret dream of a surprising number of teens andpreteens. So if you're looking for the perfect gift for ahard-to-please teen or 'tween'; if you want something they'lllike which will also help them (and maybe you!) through a toughstage of their life, give them a martial arts membership!

It doesn't need to be extravagant, such as paying a whole year'sdues. Three months, one month, or even one or two introductorylessons will do. After all, the quest for a black belt will takea few years, and can only be sustained through the internalmotivation of the individual. No external motivation is going tolast. But if the way is mapped out, if they are gently bumpedinto taking the first step, and if the destination is madetangible, they are more likely to begin. The complex chore offinding a school, talking to the adults there, breaking the newsto parents or friends, and then getting the money together, canmake it too overwhelming a task to attempt. If all thisgroundwork is done for them, though, a teen is much more likelyat least to give it a try.

And there are solid reasons that go far deeper than the clichédlist we've all heard: discipline, self-defense, higherself-esteem, etc. Yes, with a good school and instructor, thesecan be true. But why? How? Here are seven can't-miss benefits ofthe martial arts.

Can't-Miss Benefit #1: A healthy alternative to electronicsMartial arts practice is a fun, healthy, natural hobby. It makesa good alternative to kids living inside a video game, computer,television screen or cell phone. The martial arts get kids up,moving, and noticing the world around them (actually arequirement, since awareness is 90% of self-defense). I won'ttrot out the statistics and details about child and adolescentillnesses, as in the areas of obesity, diabetes, ADD/ADHD, etc.You've heard them. But whatever concerns you may have for ateen's health--or their future health given presenthabits--practicing the martial arts is a good antidote. Martialarts practice (even home practice): helps to even out moods,especially important for teens who feel emotional highs and lowsso passionately, and whose hormones are often raging (MA alsoproduces endorphins); speeds up metabolism, which burns excesscalories; acts as a natural anti-drug/alcohol agent (it'simpossible to advance much in the arts when doing drugs ordrinking); builds flexibility, endurance, and strength;increases red blood cell production; and lowers blood pressure.And this is only the tip of the iceberg.

Can't-Miss Benefit #2: Increased respect for self and othersMany kids, for a plethora of reasons, don't believe they areentitled to be respected and appreciated just for who theyare--for being themselves. Almost all kids have been teased bypeers at some point about a 'flaw', which turns intoself-consciousness and can grow out of all proportion in thekid's own mind. This lack of self-respect and self-appreciationif left unchecked over time can manifest as either anger, orfeelings of insufficiency. Through good martial arts instructionin a positive atmosphere, teens learn that they are neither morenor less 'flawed' than anyone else. This healthy sense of self,that to be normal is not to be perfect, is an important elementin the development and maturation of teens and preteens.

Can't-Miss Benefit #3: Learning to earn their way There is adangerous trend underway in many kids' basic outlook on life:that they are entitled to something for little or nothing. Thisattitude may be caused either by things coming to them tooeasily, or by things being too difficult. Perhaps they may feellike failures in one or more areas of their young lives: school,socially, sports, dating, or maybe embarrassment over somefamily or home situation (e.g., not as rich as the



'rich' kids;not as poor as the 'cool' kids). Over time, I've becomeconvinced that the more kids find themselves feeling on the outsfrom success, the more shortcuts will seem acceptable, evennormal; and then the more easily they will give up on earningtheir way. I believe that as these teens work toward and earnmartial arts achievements, they learn they can be successful theold fashioned way. They don't need shortcuts. They are capable.They learn to earn their way, and this instills confidence andpride of achievement.

Can't-Miss Benefit # 4: A rite of passage Many indigenouscultures have rituals established whereby young people can provethey have earned the right to be seen as adults. Our 'advanced'society has a gap here, especially for those teens extremely atrisk of not transitioning into mainstream society. That is,those with little hope of on-time high school graduation, novocational apprenticeship or schooling awaiting them, or littlechance of or desire for college entrance, also have little hopeof proving their worth to peers and adults. That is, they haveno access to a culturally approved rite of passage intoadulthood. This creates a vacuum during a very criticaltime/stage of life. Unfortunately, those who can find notraditional, socially-acceptable way to make this passage, mayturn to such things as tagging/party crews or even gangs (withtheir initiation ceremonies), girls to pregnancy (proof ofwomanhood), boys to impregnating someone (proof of manhood), andeither gender to 'anti-approval' (vandalism, wreaking havoc inclasses or at home, body piercings/ tattoos/bizarre hair andclothing styles). Earning their way up the belt rankingsystem--ideally all the way to black belt--offers a powerfulrite-of-passage alternative for our teens and tweens.

Can't-Miss Benefit #5: Team work and etiquette Many kids havehad to scrabble for respect from peers, have been teased asmentioned earlier, have had to compromise their true feelings inorder to fit in, or have struggled and perhaps been made to feelinadequate in school. Any one of these situations can cause themby the preteen/teen years to have adopted an 'each one forhimself/herself, and forget the rest' survival mentality.Martial arts instruction and practice generally requires eithera whole-class or two-person team format. In both cases, eachstudent necessarily takes responsibility for the well-being ofclassmates and partners. To do less when practicing potentiallydangerous techniques, would put others--who have become theirfriends--at risk. Wholesome martial arts instruction naturallycounteracts any me-first attitude.

Can't-Miss Benefit #6: Increased safety in a dangerous worldWhile there is obviously nothing that can guarantee that ourkids will always be safe and protected, the one who is betterprepared will better respond to a sudden, dangerous situation,or even better handle a verbal assault or provocation. Storiesabound of teenagers, many of them girls, who have fought offgrown men attempting to attack them or family members. Again,this is not guaranteed to happen, but it is much more likely forthose who have trained and prepared, mentally and physically.

Can't-Miss Benefit #7: Personal empowerment The martial artsparadox is that those who know how to fight rarely need to doso. Learning to defend oneself takes away the need to 'prove'ones toughness on the street, in the classroom, or at home.Learning martial arts is a counterweight to violence. In myalmost 20 years of working with kids full time, I've found thatbullies are often past victims of bullying; abusers are pastvictims of abuse; etc. So, we can promote the health of the kidwho becomes a martial artist, as well as making them a beacon ofanti-violence for their peers. In a sense, the presence ofsomeone who refuses to become either bully or bullied, is apowerful force for their friends, acquaintances, siblings andclassmates.

A personal note from my wife: How to find the rightschool/instructor This topic really deserves a separate article,but my wife, an early-childhood specialist concerned for allchildren and parents, gently hinted that it would be less thanhelpful to leave you without some guidelines on how to choose amartial arts program. I have studied four Asian arts seriouslyover a dozen years in probably 8-10 settings, and have seen thebest and the worst of schools and instructors. Here is how Iwould distill that experience and advise you to begin. *How doyou feel when you walk out the door of the studio for the firsttime--not what do you think, but how do you feel? Is it theright one or not? *Is the would-be instructor for your teen agood fit? Or is he/she too demanding? Too sloppy? Too macho? Toocompetitive? Too young/old? *Are the promises they makerealistic, or are they trying too hard to sell you? And how longhave they been there? You don't want a place that closes itsdoors as your teen is halfway to black belt. *Is there a goodbalance between teaching self-defense (will it work?) and havingfun? *Will it promote health if your teen continues for years,even decades, or will it wear down joints--is it tooyouth-oriented, too dependent on external strength/size, or isit an art that can be practiced by anyone for a lifetime?

A kid's thrill at having a chance at a life-long dream--earninga black belt--may be the solution to your gift-giving dilemma,and your gift may have far-reaching benefits for someone youcare about. I hope that if you've been wrestling with what togive a hard-to-please teen or tween, this article may help youto nudge them toward beginning a lifelong journey to betterhealth, self-awareness and understanding, compassion andconfidence. _______

Tags: Teens and preteens, black belt, health, self defense,martial arts, growth and development, learning

A NOTE FOR PUBLISHERS AND EDITORS: You have permission topublish this article electronically or in print, free of charge,as long as the byline and signature box at the end is included.Please send a courtesy copy to the author.

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About the author:Mark Kennedy, M.Ed., twice teacher of the year, is a nationallycertified black belt instructor, author of two books on makinglearning available for all, and Founder of Kempo Kung Fu. Formore answers visit www.harmoniouswarrior.com or contactmark@harmoniouswarrior.com